Council of Evil-Doers
by Zenith0011
Summary: Summary- My favorite villains from all over come together to complain about their nemesis'. Something in here for everyone! Parody. Series of One-Shots.
1. Chapter 1

Summary- My favorite villains from all over come together to complain about their nemesis'. Something in here for everyone! Parody. Series of One-Shots.

Fandom: Misc.

Rating: K

Genre: Parody & Humor

Warnings: OOCness

Characters: N/A

Status: Incomplete One-Shot series.

A/N: Search through this list and see if you recognize a name. Anyway, I do not own- Harry Potter (Voldemort), Percy Jackson (Kronos), Relic Master (the Margrave), Artemis Fowl (Opal Koboi), Code Lyoko (XANA), Xiaolin Showdown (Chase Young), Animorphs (Visser 3), or Avengers (Loki). Enjoy, and I appreciate feedback.

From the darkness of shadows came a young Asian man with spiky black hair and green armor. He entered a nearby building silently, aware he was followed by more dark forms.

The inside of the building was hardly anything special. The paint on the walls was cracking, and a lone lightbulb hung from the ceiling. There was a long table before him, capable of seating up to ten. (Or, in this case, eight). He immediately took position at the head.

"No way!" shrieked a small woman who had just entered, her pointed ears and sharply angled face clearly displaying her as inhuman. She wore a fierce pout. "I am the best villain there is, so I have to be seated at the front!"

Chase Young winced at Opal Koboi's high-pinched whines. "Is that so? Tell me, Ms. Koboi, have you ever defeated your enemy?"

Opal paused for a moment, thinking far back in her tiny head, and threw the question back. "Have you?"

Chase scoffed. "Child's play. Just imagine how much stronger I would be with the monk Omi by my side..."

Opal ignored the last part. "That doesn't prove anything! Artemis Fowl is a genius, though no where near to my own intelligence." She purred the last part with an insane delight. Chase rose an eyebrow.

"I have no soul."

Opal paused again, then leaned back in her floating Hover-Boy chair. "Fine. You win this once."

Just then, a rather disgruntled looking god of mischief appeared in the room. Opal did a double take.

"Why Chase, you have a twin!"

Chase Young scowled at the new arrival, who sneered in response. Loki indeed did bare many resemblances to the immortal Heylin Prince, with the green outfit and spiked black hair, though his skin tone was not Asian, rather... pale European.

Chase Young leaned back into the head chair, and Loki didn't even question the authority- no, there'd be much time for that, later. But arguing amongst each other wasn't the point.

The Margrave entered next, having only been able to travel by night. He bore a shocking resemblance to Chase's true form, leaving the Heylin Prince wondering how many look-a-likes he had.

The reptilian creature sat without a word, appearing expressionless.

A shadow... thing... emerged from a light socket and hovered around for a moment, laughing evilly for a good three minutes before Koboi turned on it, screeching, "Shut up, XANA!"

The computer virus only chuckled again, but grew quieter.

A blue deer-like being with the upper body of a man (if a man had four eyes...) moved in and, seeing no chairs may hold him, morphed into a human. Koboi made a retching sound:

"Oh, that was disgusting! Never do it in my presence again, or I may be forced to dispose of you."

She didn't say it threateningly, it was rather a-matter-of-fact. Visser Three glared and made movement to wring her neck, until his movements were slowed down significantly.

He appeared as Luke Castallan, but he was a being far older, older than any in the room (including Loki). He snorted at all of them.

"I am an almighty _Titan_. What makes any of you think you are worthy of being near me?"

"I'm immortal," Chase Young replied. "Time has no hold on me."

"I am also immortal, Kronos," Loki said, sending a sharp glance to Chase.

The Margrave raised a human-like clawed hand. "As am I."

XANA chortled in a corner, before Koboi screeched and began chasing the smoke with her Hover-Boy.

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named walked into the sight of twin immortal men glaring at each other heatedly, Opal chasing a giggling smoke-cloud, and Visser Three arguing heatedly with Kronos as to why he didn't care if he commanded time, he would bow RIGHT NOW at his feet. The Margrave watched this all with its jackal-like human face.

"SILENCE!" Voldemort ordered, and the commotion paused for a moment. "We are not here to fight, so let us _sit_."

They all glared at him, but obliged.

A young Spanish boy walked out of no where to the front of the room, immediately holding everyone's attention. He glanced over everyone coolly.

"My job is to simply make sure you don't all go and kill each other off," the boy said carelessly. "Just do whatever."

For an instant, there was peace.

Then, chaos.

"Raffi!" The Margrave cried out, sobbing into its arms. "My scholar!"

"I tell you, Omi will realize one day what he's missing, and with him as my apprentice we shall rule the world!" Chase Young assured Loki. The god shrugged.

"I just want to cause mischief. It's funny."

"All because of those five meddling kids!" Visser 3 exclaimed, heartbroken yells roaring through the room.

Koboi glanced at the sky. "I am _smarter_ than Artemis Fowl! He will never again get the best of me, I tell you!"

XANA laughed, and the enraged pixie chased him around the room again.

Kronos and Voldemort glanced at each other oddly from the corners of their eyes. Then, they hugged and sobbed.

"I could have ruled the world!" Kronos screamed out.

"I hate love! Why does it have to destroy me?" Voldemort despaired.

Chase Young had switched his conversation to the sniffling Margrave.

"Wait... you also had an apprentice?" asked the Heylin Prince slowly.

"And he left you when his friends took him away?" the Margrave replied, dumbfounded. They stared at each other for a minute.

"Someone understands!" they yelled joyfully together, and took off on tangents as to how to fight teams with three guys and one girl.

XANA laughed.

Koboi growled and urged her chair faster after it.

Visser Three watched Voldemort and Kronos hold each other as they cried, then joined in. "I almost ruled the universe!" he said through sniffles, sending all three into deeper tears.

"His name... was Raffael... but he liked to be called Raffi..." the Margrave exclaimed, wiping his slightly teary eyes again.

"Omi is so bright and strong, he really belongs by my side," Chase replied, moving his hands empathetically.

XANA laughed.

"If I could kill you, I swear!"

The Spanish boy sighed and leaned against the wall, unsure whether to be bemused or annoyed. 'Pathetic,' he thought, as Koboi attempted to beat the non-corporal figure with a stick. The only one who even looked normal was the god, Loki, but he wasn't truly evil... was he?

The god looked over, as if reading his thought, and winked. The boy sighed.

At least one villain was sane.


	2. Minions

The unnamed Spanish boy waited for the commotion to die down. Due to the success- if you could call it that, he thought to himself- of last month, the villains had unanimously agreed to attend once more.

Well, he thought it was unanimous. You can't really tell what an evilly giggling computer virus wanted.

After a few greetings, they were now all sitting at the table, speaking quietly. He did a quick count. All eight were present and accounted for.

"Alright," he said, causing silence to reign, "Today's topic is... minions. Talk as you like."

"Minions?" Loki asked immediately, confused.

"My loyal Death Eaters!" Lord Voldemort declared proudly, smiling his creepy smile. "None of them would ever betray me!"

"What about Severu-" Opal began.

"Silence!"

Chase Young thought. "My jungle cats, all fierce elite fighters."

"They're cats," Loki said bluntly.

"Fierce cats!" Chase hissed in response. "Who used to be men and women!"

"That's cold," the Margrave replied, shaking his head. "My mindless Sekoi are hardly anything special, but my Watch rules the entire Finished Lands of Anara."

"Who invited the alien?" Opal whispered to Loki.

"I heard that!" Visser Three roared, believing them to talk about him. "My minions are anyone I require, because all fall to their knees before me!"

XANA laughed, causing Koboi to grip her chair arms.

"I'm going to ignore it..." She thought. "I suppose the Brill Brothers are my minions. Brainless creatures, idiots, but capable of some things."

Kronos tilted his head side to side. "Minions," he mused, stuck. "Minions..."

XANA chuckled. Koboi's knuckles turned white.

"Ooh!" Kronos erupted, lifting one finger. "Do the children I've got in my army count?"

"YES!" everyone yelled, then returned to ignoring him.

"My jungle cats would easily tear apart your Death Eaters," chase Young smirked confidently. The Dark Lord seethed.

"My Death Eaters would have every cat dead, and you, in a-"

"-instant? I think not," Chase challenged. "You see, my immortal jungle cats are only the fighters who came close to defeating me." He glanced at the Dark Lord. "You couldn't defeat me."

"Ooh!" Loki cried. "Burn!"

The Dark Lord looked stunned at the outright challenge. "I'll kill you!"

"As if," the Heylin Prince scoffed.

XANA chuckled, and Koboi gritted her teeth.

The Margrave moved close to the sidelines, near Visser Three. Kronos remained deep in thought in his chair.

Infuriated, You-Know-Who screamed with rage and pulled out his wand, the beginnings of a spell on his lips.

His wand flew from his hands.

Stunned, everyone followed its path into the Spanish boy's hand. He twirled it around, bored. "Continue."

After a moment, Voldemort turned again on Chase. "I don't need that to defeat you."

Chase Young rose an eyebrow. "Oh?"

Voldemort charged, and the Spanish didn't bother to stop him. Chase Young simply hit a point on the villain's neck, knocking him to the ground in an instant. The Dark Lord glared up.

"I knew you were going to do that."

"Sure you did."

Kronos lifted his finger again. "And my monsters?"

"YES!" everyone exclaimed, including a dizzy Voldemort, before ignoring him once more.

XANA chuckled. Koboi growled.

The Margrave turned to Visser Three. "Alien?"

Visser Three nodded. "Alien?"

The Margrave nodded, and they sat in comfortable silence.

XANA chuckled, and Koboi snapped, chasing him in her Hover-Boy. It never occurred to her you can't exactly _kill _a computer virus, especially an incorporeal one.

The Spanish boy watched as everyone gradually moved off-topic, feeling that if he were anime he would have sweat-dropped a thousand times over. He sighed, twirling Voldemort's wand without thinking, and turned to Loki, who was watching him with that mischievous smile as before.

He was careful to check his back for the next week.


End file.
